La Mère du monde
“It was like a movie. I felt like an audience member watching it all unfold in retrospect in the real world. I didn’t want to believe that it was real, that it was happening, and that I experienced it. I was apart of it”
“I miss what America used to be. The America I came from. The place I grew up in—my home”
“It took me years to bring myself to that. I didn’t know if it was the truth, or a fabricated solution I had invented to satisfy my desperation for an answer, a solution. I’m still waiting, and I’m still hoping. I’m still hoping for an answer, and I’ll continue to hope for an answer”
“And instantly upon entering I knew I had found my home. It was as clear as glass, and I don’t know why they made me feel that way. The others asked me why I would choose such a place… but they don’t know how it is to live feeling like a Martian on earth. I understood them, as they did me. I was happy”
“She walked over in the darkness of the woods and heard them count to three behind her… Bang bang”
“I used to sing myself to sleep before I met you. Knowing you satisfied my need to distract myself from reality to force myself into a state of peace”
I had lots of internal and external conflict during junior high. I hated it. I was thrown into a new world and forced to adapt. Insecure bullies didn’t make my desperate efforts to accustom to it any easier. I would gather clips and photos that were interesting and attractive to me, and put them together into small montages. I religiously used Yiruma’s pieces as the music to said montages. I found him before Twilight did, haha. I look back at these clips in retrospect and all the feelings come back. I could even remember what I was thinking while making a certain part of a clip when I see it, despite this being over five years later. It was a hobby meant to be a source of comfort which, luckily, produced beautiful imagery. I can enjoy them forever.
I’ve never lived without sleeping problems. As a child, I would always sporadically awake during sleep, but come a certain age, I would find myself in a seated position while hypnotically staring outside the window. Completely asleep, but open-eyed. I would wonder why this would happen, and it would discomfort me every time I had realized that it happened. I eventually stopped unknowingly doing that to myself, but I never understood why it started in the first place. Years later, during junior year, I became an insomniac. Clearly, I always had issues with sleep, and still do. Connection?
I still have chills from this scene in AHS- Asylum
Conformist selfie at an Apple store
“The cultural zeitgeist is evolving. Socially acceptable ideas of morality are no longer what they used to be. This, in and of itself, is equally as liberating as it is terrifying”
“I used to ask myself why we’re even here, then I starting asking myself why I would question life instead of enjoy it”